SADNESS

 I'm a Canadian so some may not think this effects me as it would a fellow American.  I call "Bollocks" on that!!! I have a heart AND I'm also a parent AND teacher.  I have worked in the school system and have had my children in the system for over 12 years.  No I am not effected by it as those who are directly involved, but if this didn't effect you or myself then we have officially become desensitized! I personally hope that NEVER happens! 

Anyway I saw this Morgan Freeman article on a friends fb wall and wanted to share it with as many people as I could get to see it, as well as the victims names and ages so we know the names of the families we can pray for, the names of the ones we grieve for and forget the bastard who stole their lives before being a coward and dying himself. 

~T~

 

TURN OFF THE NEWS.......

Morgan Freeman's brilliant take on what happened yesterday :

"You want to know why. This may sound cynical, but here's why.

It's because of the way the media reports it. Flip on the news and watch how we treat the Batman theater shooter and the Oregon mall shooter like celebrities. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris are household names, but do you know the name of a single *victim* of Columbine? Disturbed
people who would otherwise just off themselves in their basements see the news and want to top it by doing something worse, and going out in a memorable way. Why a grade school? Why children? Because he'll be remembered as a horrible monster, instead of a sad nobody.

CNN's article says that if the body count "holds up", this will rank as the second deadliest shooting behind Virginia Tech, as if statistics somehow make one shooting worse than another. Then they post a video interview of third-graders for all the details of what they saw and heard while the shootings were happening. Fox News has plastered the killer's face on all their reports for hours. Any articles or news stories yet that focus on the victims and ignore the killer's identity? None that I've seen yet. Because they don't sell. So congratulations, sensationalist media, you've just lit the fire for someone to top this and knock off a day care center or a maternity ward next.

You can help by forgetting you ever read this man's name, and remembering the name of at least one victim. You can help by donating to mental health research instead of pointing to gun control as the problem. You can help by turning off the news."

 R.I.P you sweet angles!

The victims  ( part of an article published on cnn u.s)  http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/16/us/connecticut-school-shooting/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

All the victims died from gunshot wounds and were struck multiple times, said H. Wayne Carver II, Connecticut's chief medical examiner. Their deaths were classified as homicides.

"This probably is the worst I have seen or the worst that I know of any of my colleagues having seen," Carver told reporters.

All 20 of the slain children were either 6 or 7 years old.

Among those killed was 6-year-old Emilie Parker. Her father struggled to hold back tears while recalling the life cut far too short.

"As the deep pain begins to settle into our hearts, we find comfort reflecting on the incredible person that Emilie was and how many lives that she was able to touch in her short time here on Earth," Robbie Parker told reporters.

"She loved to use her talents to touch the lives of everyone that she came in contact with," he added. "She always carried around her markers and pencils so she never missed an opportunity to draw a picture or make a card for those around her."

Robbie Parker also offered his condolences to all the families affected.

"This includes the family of the shooter," he said. "I can't imagine how hard this experience must be for you, and I want you to know that our family, and our love and support goes out to you as well."

Six adults were also killed in the school rampage, including principal Dawn Hochsprung, school psychologist Mary Sherlach, first-grade teacher Vicki Soto and substitute teacher Lauren Rousseau.

Surviving relationships with happiness

      SURVIVING RELATIONSHIPS WITH HAPPINESS

I know,  I am one to talk eh? I haven’t survived a relationship yet…YET. It’s not for lack of trying it is more like “tired of trying and not being enough”.  That and I have become tough to love, whole other blog!!! 

Anyway as I was lying in bed…or was it sitting on the potty???? I can’t remember, as those two places seem to be my “Great thinking spots” where my mind works overtime… so in one thinking spot or another I began thinking of my parents and their relationship and why it was so successful. 

“She was genuinely happy” Yes my mom struggled with self-esteem, weight, health, finances, disobedient children (mostly my brother :)) and all the other things life throws at you. However she was happy through it all, and my inner-self sought to know why?  Why was she happy inside and out? With all life threw at her how could she be happy?  The answer struck me right away…(and I remember now what was happening when I was thinking all this)….. I was in the shower shaving my legs (struggling for some normalcy)…. Anyway the answer to why my mom was so happy is because of my dad….. Her man, her safe place and her prince. My dad always strived to make sure my mom was looked after in every area of her life. Physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and every other way a woman needs a man. Yes men we need you as much as you need us, if not more!!!

So let me explain what I mean. My dad always made sure my mom had time for herself, she was “high maintenance” but not in a Jersey Shore kind of way.  She liked nice things and doing things to take care of herself. She enjoyed her bath or showers and the whole processes involved right down to making someone put cream on her back, she loved that time to look after herself. My dad kept us at bay making sure we let her relax and feel revived..... Cause lets face it ladies, none of us feel good being frumpy….EVER!

 Another area my dad looked after my mom was always having her back. Sometimes she was wrong, as  was he was but they never “corrected” each other in public, or around my brother and I. They respected each other immensely and everyone knew it.

My mom was insecure about her weight; she was always curvy and even after having my brother and I she still looked hot, sexy and full. Health issues caused her to gain more weight than she wanted and she was insecure about it. My dad would go out of his way to make her feel sexy, not just with sex but also with words and lots of reassurance. He never wavered on that, never made it feel monotonous, insincere or like it was a hassle for him. He truly loved her and made sure she always knew. During lilac season he’d bring her home an armful everyday without fail, left her love notes if he left for work before her and she would leave them if she left before him. He remembered little things and was always consistent even when she exhausted him. I remember so much love between them because they never hid it from anyone. My dad was quite a catch and women would “throw themselves” at him and flirt, but he ALWAYS held true to my mom and their commitment. He was proud to be her husband and always was.

All the work however that my dad put into the relationship had always paid off, even though that isn’t why he was doing it. But by treating his wife like a Queen and always working and trying everyday to better their relationship, he got it back in return. By ensuring my mom was happy and taken care of he was also a happy man.

So I guess what I am saying is never stop trying to reach genuine happiness with your partner. In a selfish world there is such a lack of selflessness and commitment or drive to keep trying. It saddens me because I have seen such a love that I don’t understand why EVERYONE wouldn’t want to strive to obtain that.  Men listen to your women, they are constantly giving little hints as to what they need weather they realize they are doing it or not. Truly listen!.......... “I’ve put on weight, or lost weight my clothes are so tight/lose” A.K.A she needs a sweet ass pair of jeans and shirt to boost her ego. “Uggg I need a shower and shave, or I want to sit and soak” Draw her a bath and make sure she gets some undisturbed time to unwind and just be a woman. We all have a certain level of the “high maintenance gene”.  For me…” I need a make-over” lol. I got mistaken for a worker @ the value village drop center…I was dropping stuff off. It bugged me the whole way home, and still does apparently. I need a break from frumpy. And yes I can, and will book a hair appointment and maybe get some make- up and a sweet ass pair of jeans cause I am capable. I’m just saying is all…*cough*cough*hint* :p

My friend Taisha had a story on her FB wall today about a married couple, who in short “Lost that lovin feeling” were going to get divorced.  The wife had dedicated 10 years to her husband, home and son and their relationship became stale. However they found a way to fall in love again.  By the time he fully realized it she had passed away from Cancer.

Below is a paragraph from the story……………

“The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

 Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ♥”

“Behind ever happy woman is a good man, who in turn is a happy man” ~T Original~

~T~

 In memory of Elizabeth Ann Sanderson, A.K.A MOMMY :) 

April 20 '56- June 14 '08

                                              My mommy and daddy on their wedding day.

Fight For it and don't let go!

Fight for the love you have. Respect the one you love and ALWAYS communicate....communication leads to beautiful things!!!! 

The Long Road

THE LONG ROAD!

Yes I am a “bit” stubborn and strong willed! When I make my mind up it’s made up…even if it is the wrong choice, decision, thought, action or intention. I am a heart girl………..meaning it’s bigger than I am or will ever be! I try to live up to my heart daily. Sounds weird I know, but you have to know me to get it. The deepness of my heart is like the black hole that seems to constantly be aching inside me. I want to give and do and change so much that it overwhelms me but it mostly causes great hurt and sadness inside me.  Now to go along with my giant “red” hole...(black doesn’t suit it) comes amazing strength, Compassion and gentleness. All these things have caused me a great deal of hurt as I trust people way to easily and will give anyone the benefit of the doubt. Some would call that “Being Naive” however I am not that at all. I see in people that which most don’t see in themselves and want to draw it out of them. The shity part of that is that I also see the not so good in them. However I have chosen to help and love them anyway. It is my greatest flaw, yet one of my greatest rewards. The point I am making is that this “journey” as I call it has taken me down the long road…one that seems never ending, twisty, rough, smooth, desolate, and crowded. But it is a road that I have found my inner strength, true love, patience, understanding, self-discovery, unbearable pain and fear, alive, enlightened and so many more things. I know my road has not come to my waterfall ending yet, and that there is so much more of it to travel, but I look forward to it now because I’m not alone on this road. I have people in my life although…. very few who have stayed on this journey with me. It is them that I am the MOST proud of and eternally grateful to for everything they are to me. 

I Love you!

~T~

    

Change Your Life Photography: MOMS………The Worlds most incredible hero!

Change Your Life Photography: MOMS………The Worlds most incredible hero!: When I was thinking to post an article for Mother's Day I wanted to do something different. Instead of me talking about Mother's and my ...

MOM"S the worlds most incredible hero

 

            MOM’S the world’s most incredible hero's                          

Mom, Mommy, mother, mama, mum…….What does that one word mean?  Notice I didn’t say “one little word”?!!! It has to be the biggest word I know!! It is also the most profound and meaningful word known to mankind.

For some it’s a negative but for the majority the word MOM is a symbol of all things kind, nurturing, strong, warm, creative, giving…and the list could go on forever!!!

Being a mom is the highest honor and greatest responsibility anyone could have. Sure the president can run the country, the PM can make life-changing decisions, a soldier can fight for his/her country but a mother molds those men and women to be whom they are. Good or bad!

Being a mom is at times a struggle, you want your child to be healthy, polite, well off, safe and responsible….but most of all you want them to be happy!! It’s not an easy task to be a mom. I don’t say job because it isn’t, it’s a right, a duty, and honor! It’s the most heartbreaking yet most rewarding thing a woman could do! Often times our kids will take things out on us and direct all anger our way…It’s hurtful yes, but it’s also their way of saying “I’m safe with you and you will love me even if I am being a jerk to you” You see our children need to know that mom will still love them even when they act unlovable. But they also need us to teach them when they are wrong. We do however want the next PM/President? Soldier/teacher/etc, to be an honorable person who can be counted on, trusted, and know what is right and what is wrong.

When a child grows up they will then not only still be our child but our friend. I had the privilege of become quite close to my mommy as an adult. My mommy passed suddenly at age 51, 4 years ago and the emptiness I have in my heart will never go away, it won’t ever heal because I don’t want it too! I want to always feel the strong pain of needing my mommy. I hope my kids will always love and remember me with such passion when my time comes.

Some of us didn’t have the privilege of growing up with a mother for one reason or another, so I plead to women out there who know someone without a mother to reach out…to “adopt” that person, be it child, teenager, or adult. Give what you have been given; be a mother in one way or another, you may never know what that could mean to someone, or how that someone could enrich your life as well!

There are also single mothers out there, regardless of how they got there show compassion, support and understanding. They deal with enough judgment and struggle that just a simple gesture would mean the world to them and give them a boost of power to carry on the already hard task of raising children. Who are we to judge??!!

Finally I want to reach out to children (even children who are mothers as well) Honor your mom, even if she had a hard time raising you, or she seemed “unfair, distant, unavailable” there are so many things sanding in the way of allowing moms to be moms now a days that we need to just look past hurts, misunderstandings and such to find a way t move forward to healing the relationship. Regret is a hard thing to come to terms with when you lose a mother, be it death, distance, or loss of relationship.

I challenge you this mother’s day…Men, Woman, Boys and Girls…Thank your mom and open the doors to communication, understanding, compassion and acceptance but mostly to love! And not just Mother’s day…every day!!!

~T~

Commitment Phobia in women

 

COMMITMENT PHOBIA in women…. How to get her and yourself through it!

 

I heard a man say not to long ago “Why can’t I find a woman who hasn’t been hurt or damaged by another man?”  And you know it angered me. It angered me because not only have I worked with abused women, but also I am a former one. Women don’t ask to get damaged or abused.  I didn’t ask to be treated like shit or abused in ways that are damaging. I didn’t asked to get raped at 16 or have a male nurse molest me when I was 5…neither have the countless women I have worked with. So when I heard that comment I instantly thought this is not a man who deserves the love of a woman who has been “nursed” back to health…so to speak. It’s also a man I wouldn’t want to be with whether I was hurt or not, because it’s a man who can’t understand unconditional love, and will miss out on a wonderful woman! And before you can say it… NO I am not male bashing…it’s more like stupidity bashing!!!

Commitment Phobia shouldn’t be likened with INSECURITY.  Almost every woman has insecurity even happily married not afraid to commit women. A woman with CP insecurities is based on experiences mostly.

Commitment Phobia .....Yeah we women have it also..........I don’t want to talk about those who like being single and like the attention from multiple men or that like playing around…There is a serious phobia that some women suffer due to certain life circumstances. Laugh if you like but for those of us who experience it …. In any degree....struggle daily to get over the phobia. 

Knowing what is the cause of it.....

Unlike men, who’s fear of commitment is usually due to a reluctance to give up his “freedom”, most women with commitment phobia (CP) become afraid to commit due to hurts. Be it a bad marriage or relationship, parents or family divorce, abuse in their own or a close friend or families relationship. It could also be a combination of more than one issue.

  It’s important if you care about the woman to discover the underlying cause of her CP so you are able to help her through it.

 If she can’t even understand what makes her like that, or if it was from a trauma in her childhood, then she may need professional help to help her understand what the cause is and deal with it.

You also must try and understand her mentality as it likely confuses you. Why does she keep her distance, withdrawal or hesitate? Change the subject when things turn serious? You know she loves you yet you don’t understand why she does and acts as she does….

 A woman with CP lives in confusion. The confusion is, she craves what she is also afraid of: love, connection, and commitment. She DREAMS and CRAVES those things, however her fear stands in the way. She can’t help but to steer away when she feels she has come close to the man she loves.

Although she loves you, she frequently becomes critical of you and hurts you with her words or actions. It seems like she wants to sabotage all that is good in the relationship.

So what can you do to help or make things better? I know how frustrating dealing with a conflicted women is, it’s also emotionally draining, however take heart that CP is not a terminal illness that she will carry to her grave…unless she wants too! She can be delivered from this frustrating and miserable situation. It takes love! DEEP love, and patience, understanding and resolution to help deal with this syndrome. Although the choice is really yours. Is she your “once in a lifetime” love or just someone you care about but you could see your life without her??? Do you love her deeply from your heart and soul? If she is….don’t give up on her.... don’t quit, give her a reason to break free from CP and see the value in an unconditional love. 

Believe that for every man, there is a woman from whom she was divinely created (in Adam and Eve legend, Eve was created from one of Adam's rib). And she is "the one", the only one that the man can ever truly love.

If the man meets her, anywhere in his life, he will never be able to stop loving her no matter how hard he tries. And the feelings will be reciprocal because both of them "made from the same ingredients".

So, if she is "the one" for you, trying to stop loving her will be like trying to get out of your own skin. And losing her will be the greatest regret in your life!

If you know she is the one for you then there are ways you can help her.

Understand what her anxieties are about…

Is it about fear of intimacy? fear of being cheated on?, left alone?, given up on? Or something else? You need to try and understand and appreciate her feelings. If she fears it than it is important to her.  Laughing at her and taking it lightly or being too fast to judge her as being selfish causes her more damage. If she feared being burdened financially or feared a hereditary illness would you judge that? If someone had exploited her financially or a close family member died of illness she would be entitled to those feelings. This is proof that her CP isn’t baseless.  Until she can overcome her fear of commitment, try to find a compromise that you both can live with in anyway possible.  Also a woman with CP will find it hard to commit with a man who doesn’t have his own “issues” in order, home life, finances, work etc….to her she see’s that and worries if she commits she will have to take that on as well as her own issues.

Be firm and sincere in showing your love…

A woman with CP has gone through disappointing relationships or has seen other relationships end badly. To help her you must have emotional maturity and a mature mind. You have to be resilient and sincere in order for her to see and believe you’re really someone she can trust and rely on. Don’t feed her bullshit that you don’t intend to follow through with, because then you become part of the problem.

Give her security…

No matter how tough and independent she may seem, she needs you to help lead her and give her the feeling of security and protection. Don’t be a “sit back and wait-er” You don’t always need to yield to her requests, you can be one who leads in the relationship, but lead with love…gently!!!

Talk to her about it…

Open up the communication channel, listen to what she is saying, sometimes all she needs is your ear. However she won’t open up to you if you can’t be trusted not to take to heart her hurts. A woman with CP needs it more than a woman without CP.  If she is being negative, correct her with a loving gentle manner to think and say in a more positive way. You need to get the answers from your woman and not resort to theorizing or doing crude psychology on her. You need to get the answers from her but without applying any pressure -- or as little as possible. The more you press her for answers the more she withdraws from you or even walks away. You can't pull out a commitment from a commitment phoebe, however great the relationship is. And all the threats, ultimatums, pleading, trying to make her jealous, bragging how other women are attracted to you or even smothering her with attention will never get a commitment phoebe to commit. It will make her push furture away. Questions like, "What is that like?’ "How does that make you feel?” "Why do you think that happened?” "What did you know about??” "Explain what that means?" asked in natural ongoing conversations could uncover what your woman is thinking or feeling in-depth

Winning over a woman with CP is usually not as hard as winning over a CP man. Women are more appreciative to faithfulness and more sensitive to love and tenderness. The key is patience, persistence, and being unshakable. However if you don’t know if she is the “one” for you then don’t go after her because winning her over will be very frustrating and emotionally draining. You may ruin your heart and soul in doing that. So if she isn’t the one it’s best to break up and part ways, not only for you but for her as well.

Believe it or not, many people with a fear of commitment know they have a problem and most don't like themselves for being this way. But they also don't want some "know-it-all" -- who doesn't know that it feels like to have this phobia -- telling them how they should be feeling or what they should be doing. It's like saying "I am perfect and you are not" or "I am better than you because I am not afraid of commitment".  Women with this have been deeply hurt and have trouble allowing themselves to feel vulnerable again. And they are usually the most kick ass chicks you would ever be lucky enough to know. 

~T~