Surviving relationships with happiness

      SURVIVING RELATIONSHIPS WITH HAPPINESS

I know,  I am one to talk eh? I haven’t survived a relationship yet…YET. It’s not for lack of trying it is more like “tired of trying and not being enough”.  That and I have become tough to love, whole other blog!!! 

Anyway as I was lying in bed…or was it sitting on the potty???? I can’t remember, as those two places seem to be my “Great thinking spots” where my mind works overtime… so in one thinking spot or another I began thinking of my parents and their relationship and why it was so successful. 

“She was genuinely happy” Yes my mom struggled with self-esteem, weight, health, finances, disobedient children (mostly my brother :)) and all the other things life throws at you. However she was happy through it all, and my inner-self sought to know why?  Why was she happy inside and out? With all life threw at her how could she be happy?  The answer struck me right away…(and I remember now what was happening when I was thinking all this)….. I was in the shower shaving my legs (struggling for some normalcy)…. Anyway the answer to why my mom was so happy is because of my dad….. Her man, her safe place and her prince. My dad always strived to make sure my mom was looked after in every area of her life. Physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and every other way a woman needs a man. Yes men we need you as much as you need us, if not more!!!

So let me explain what I mean. My dad always made sure my mom had time for herself, she was “high maintenance” but not in a Jersey Shore kind of way.  She liked nice things and doing things to take care of herself. She enjoyed her bath or showers and the whole processes involved right down to making someone put cream on her back, she loved that time to look after herself. My dad kept us at bay making sure we let her relax and feel revived..... Cause lets face it ladies, none of us feel good being frumpy….EVER!

 Another area my dad looked after my mom was always having her back. Sometimes she was wrong, as  was he was but they never “corrected” each other in public, or around my brother and I. They respected each other immensely and everyone knew it.

My mom was insecure about her weight; she was always curvy and even after having my brother and I she still looked hot, sexy and full. Health issues caused her to gain more weight than she wanted and she was insecure about it. My dad would go out of his way to make her feel sexy, not just with sex but also with words and lots of reassurance. He never wavered on that, never made it feel monotonous, insincere or like it was a hassle for him. He truly loved her and made sure she always knew. During lilac season he’d bring her home an armful everyday without fail, left her love notes if he left for work before her and she would leave them if she left before him. He remembered little things and was always consistent even when she exhausted him. I remember so much love between them because they never hid it from anyone. My dad was quite a catch and women would “throw themselves” at him and flirt, but he ALWAYS held true to my mom and their commitment. He was proud to be her husband and always was.

All the work however that my dad put into the relationship had always paid off, even though that isn’t why he was doing it. But by treating his wife like a Queen and always working and trying everyday to better their relationship, he got it back in return. By ensuring my mom was happy and taken care of he was also a happy man.

So I guess what I am saying is never stop trying to reach genuine happiness with your partner. In a selfish world there is such a lack of selflessness and commitment or drive to keep trying. It saddens me because I have seen such a love that I don’t understand why EVERYONE wouldn’t want to strive to obtain that.  Men listen to your women, they are constantly giving little hints as to what they need weather they realize they are doing it or not. Truly listen!.......... “I’ve put on weight, or lost weight my clothes are so tight/lose” A.K.A she needs a sweet ass pair of jeans and shirt to boost her ego. “Uggg I need a shower and shave, or I want to sit and soak” Draw her a bath and make sure she gets some undisturbed time to unwind and just be a woman. We all have a certain level of the “high maintenance gene”.  For me…” I need a make-over” lol. I got mistaken for a worker @ the value village drop center…I was dropping stuff off. It bugged me the whole way home, and still does apparently. I need a break from frumpy. And yes I can, and will book a hair appointment and maybe get some make- up and a sweet ass pair of jeans cause I am capable. I’m just saying is all…*cough*cough*hint* :p

My friend Taisha had a story on her FB wall today about a married couple, who in short “Lost that lovin feeling” were going to get divorced.  The wife had dedicated 10 years to her husband, home and son and their relationship became stale. However they found a way to fall in love again.  By the time he fully realized it she had passed away from Cancer.

Below is a paragraph from the story……………

“The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

 Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ♥”

“Behind ever happy woman is a good man, who in turn is a happy man” ~T Original~

~T~

 In memory of Elizabeth Ann Sanderson, A.K.A MOMMY :) 

April 20 '56- June 14 '08

                                              My mommy and daddy on their wedding day.